Please More Grateful Start Now!

Lately, I don't know why I feel like I'm upset, I'm terrible, worried about anything that I don't know what is, feel let down and sometimes feel like I lost direction. Honestly, this feelings affect on my daily activities. I'm not excited for facing my days, I'm lazy to start the days, and in my mind I just wanna run away from this situation. 

I know, I can't be like this for a long time. Thus, I try to ask my self first. Why am I like this? Ihat, do you have any problems? Do you wanna something that can't be said? I cry instead of looking the answer. I shake my head because I don't know and I'm confused with my own self. 

Lastly, I try to talk with Allah. What's going on with me Allah? Is that something wrong with me Allah? And slowly I'm starting to get the answer. Have I not been less grateful to Allah so far? Did I not really accept what Allah has given to me? And that question makes me feel calm, so I realize that my problem is I truly less grateful to Allah. 

Flashback to yesterday, without realizing I always compared my life with the others' life. Of course I knew about them from social media. When I saw my friends' status I felt I was envy. They got to continue their study especially in Master degree, they're getting married soon,  they have bornt baby, or they got the what fun a job. What they shared on social media looked more beautiful than my life. 

I was wondering with my self. Why is my life like this? I must work 24 hours in boarding school that sometimes makes me feel bored. I must save my money for my future because I cannot ask for it to my parents. And also, I asked to my self, why am I still single? Am I not enough pretty? 

My ego answered such as like I should get a job nine to five so I have a me time more. I should have started registering myself to continue my school. I should take a course. I should have a minimal fiance. 

Can you see that if I keep looking at other people's life, my life looks pathetic doesn't it? And after I found my problems I directly istighfar, with say "Astaghfirullah hal'adzziim". I shouldn't do this more. I should more grateful to Allah. Allah gave me what I need not I want. Comparing my life with other just made me tired, denying the blessings that Allah has given to me.😭 Whereas my sholat is not necessarily true, not necessarily khusyuk. Who am I who dares to deny His blessings? 

It could be that my current life is the dream of many people out there or if I get what I want now,  I will be far away from Allah. Thus Allah take cares of me with blessing my life like what I have now. 

Start from today I must train my self to always grateful what Allah bless for me such as:

1. I say "alhamdulillah wa syukurillah" when I start the day.

2. Remember that your life now is a people's dream out there so no matter what happens please grateful it.

3. Stop to scroll social media if not necessary.

4. Reading the Al-Qur'an or a book that makes me more thankful to Allah SWT.

May Allah always guide us to His path. Aamiin

Love,