Please More Grateful Start Now!

Photo by Ann on Unsplash

Lately, I don't know why I feel like I'm upset, I'm terrible, worried about anything that I don't know what is, feel let down and sometimes feel like I lost direction. Honestly, this feelings affect on my daily activities. I'm not excited for facing my days, I'm lazy to start the days, and in my mind I just wanna run away from this situation. 

I know, I can't be like this for a long time. Thus, I try to ask my self first. Why am I like this? Ihat, do you have any problems? Do you wanna something that can't be said? I cry instead of looking the answer. I shake my head because I don't know and I'm confused with my own self. 

Lastly, I try to talk with Allah. What's going on with me Allah? Is that something wrong with me Allah? And slowly I'm starting to get the answer. Have I not been less grateful to Allah so far? Did I not really accept what Allah has given to me? And that question makes me feel calm, so I realize that my problem is I truly less grateful to Allah. 

Flashback to yesterday, without realizing I always compared my life with the others' life. Of course I knew about them from social media. When I saw my friends' status I felt I was envy. They got to continue their study especially in Master degree, they're getting married soon,  they have bornt baby, or they got the what fun a job. What they shared on social media looked more beautiful than my life. 

I was wondering with my self. Why is my life like this? I must work 24 hours in boarding school that sometimes makes me feel bored. I must save my money for my future because I cannot ask for it to my parents. And also, I asked to my self, why am I still single? Am I not enough pretty? 

My ego answered such as like I should get a job nine to five so I have a me time more. I should have started registering myself to continue my school. I should take a course. I should have a minimal fiance. 

Can you see that if I keep looking at other people's life, my life looks pathetic doesn't it? And after I found my problems I directly istighfar, with say "Astaghfirullah hal'adzziim". I shouldn't do this more. I should more grateful to Allah. Allah gave me what I need not I want. Comparing my life with other just made me tired, denying the blessings that Allah has given to me.😭 Whereas my sholat is not necessarily true, not necessarily khusyuk. Who am I who dares to deny His blessings? 

Astaghfirullah hal'adziim aladzi laa ilaha illa huwal hayyul qoyyum wa atuubu ilaiih.

It could be that my current life is the dream of many people out there or if I get what I want now,  I will be far away from Allah. Thus Allah take cares of me with blessing my life like what I have now. 

Start from today I must train my self to always grateful what Allah bless for me such as:

1. I say "alhamdulillah wa syukurillah" when I start the day.
2. Remember that your life now is a people's dream out there so no matter what happens please grateful it.
3. Stop to scroll social media if not necessary.
4. Reading the Al-Qur'an or a book that makes me more thankful to Allah SWT.

May Allah always guide us to His path. Aamiin